Posted by: Death_Dealer August 23, 2005 11:43 pm

ok this is my first time trying at this so don't be to harsh ---------------------------------------------------------------------- my name is Kaminski... well that isn't my really name but my normal name is abit of enigma.. I live in the city of Glasgow in Scotland, it was like any other boring day of my life, it was 5pm when it all started... I was making my way home cutting though town for a short cut, I heard faint scream's in the foggy day that it was, I wondered what was going on so I decided to investigate, I walked for awhile the screaming got louder an louder until, I saw people running in terror, one man fell to the ground I helped him up an asked.. Kaminski: what the hell is going on? Terrified Man: mu..mumu..MONSTERS RUN! As I looked up to see the horror that walked towards me dead rotten fleshed monsters walking towards us, all moaning, chasing after us like we were there prey... I helped him up an we both ran off, as I looked around me I saw people being eating an attack by these things... I told him to follow me I knew a shop that sold swords katanas, an Axe's, we can use them for protection.. He agreed an we made our way to the shop, punching an pushing our way though those creatures on our way, I punched one in the face its skin an bone just ripped an shattered like it was paper.. To be continued...

Posted by: -=Chris Redfield=- August 24, 2005 09:34 pm

Well, the stor was...OK. The similies you used were a bit akward ("its skin an bone just ripped an shattered like it was paper" paper doesn't really shatter, but more just...tear) and you seemed to have sped up the process of an pandemic a bit too fast. Th man just going "Mosnters! Run" was a bit corny as well. You need to go in more detail, like you didn't really describe the surroundings, nor the people as well. The use of commas is a bit overdone, and the wording is as well. Hope this helps.