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S.T.A.R.S Chris Redfield |
Posted: August 23, 2005 10:55 pm
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Rotten Meat Group: Members Posts: 4 Joined: August 23, 2005 |
Dont have much time! heres the basics my name is Pvt.Jamie Sabre. The City is over run cant find my unit! That is if there even alive. Oh Shit there in!
Crash the door came of the hinges and they were in i pulled the trigger but all i herd was a click click click i dropped the gun and ran there were about 13-14 of them in the room. Then i rembered the fire escape! I pulled my side arm and empteid the clip 2 mabe 3 droped out of 15 rounds i holsterd my side arm and jumped through the window and just before it was too late i grabbed the railing and sliped but i fell in a dumpster i sat up and loded my weapon and looked up over the rim nothing but a few burning cars and body parts i went back down then looked up again then right in my face was one ugly motherfucker! I raised my arms and fired he went down. I climed out of the garbage can when my feet touched the ground there was a loud skwisshy sound from the garbage can then i looked up and OH SHIT! one fell right on me! To Be Continued |
Elite viking |
Posted: August 24, 2005 02:04 pm
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Veteran Lord Carnage Group: Old BB:S Betatesters Posts: 2471 Joined: December 16, 2004 |
Another writer, great!
To make it better, you should write a little more on each segment. Also, adjectives would be nice. Like red, blue, ghastly, windy... Also do a little spellcheck. Spelling isn't much of a problem regularly, but in a story it really does matter. When speaking of yourself, it's a capital letter (I, not i ). Lastly, some commas would be nice. Keep writing, it'll improve the more you write. |