sup keyes XD

Also good luck man.

Thanks mallic

Essay is now finished and handed in. Turns out I can slate SOCA for 1,000 words. Whether or not I actually get marks for it is another matter...

Well I officially could not give a shit about my life anymore.

I get kicked out and I have to sell all my possesions to get a job to get money to live. I can't even do my medieval sport anymore because I have no license.

AND today I learned that my girlfriend has been cheating on me because she said he main phone was dead so I text the spare she has that is a pay as you go phone and the person with it said "This is not corissa." So I was thinking that she loaned the phone to a friend of hers until I get another text "This is her boyfriend"

On top of that, the only friend I have talked to since I got kicked out of my house is ari and not a single other friend has even bothered to attempt to reach me. I am stuck at my dad's with nothing to do and I cannot even get a job until I get my social security card in the mail. I have absolutely nothing to do and quite frankly I no longer care. Life has decided to shit on me repeatedly these last few weeks and if there IS a god I would like to give him this message: "Go fuck yourself"

Ive been busy helping my friends lately and in the midst of all of that helping I have forgotten about myself

Its like I woke up from a dream and when I did wake up I realized I was so busy helping them that I didn't realize that I am close to the edge and about to fall, and I can't take a step back because I am to busy helping them to help myself..

Okay. Problems have arisen in the relationship I started with a girl a while back. Probably my fault, shoulda left it a while after she'd broken up with her fiancee (read: longer than two weeks), but yeah. Now I'm at my house and fairly hammered. And my throat feels dry from smoking so many cigarettes (not one for weed). Bah. Guess I'll have to wait this out. Terms and conditions apply, o' course. Not a complete fool...

Good luck man

also, nice to find a fellow smoker. Most kids on the internet possess a brainwashed mentality that cigarettes will kill you after one smoke.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want;
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters;
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the
Lord forever.

I've held so much anger at the time I was gone that I could probably make 8 posts out of it.... but too bad there's no time(FUCKING RARGH) for me to do so.

Anyway, the only people that built up my anger so much are... my parents. Holy fucking shiznat, it's weird that I used to admire them so much but now it's all going crazy. Gosh, I'm such a teen-fucking-ager.

First of all, I'm so damn sleep-deprived that I'm very sensitive to getting stressed out, and I can't keep up with every damned thing people around me do. Fuck! Haven't you bastards seen a tired person!? I wish they fucking leave me alone to just clear my problem!!!!!

My parents are total assholes indeed.
As I said before, I'm so damned tired that I can't keep up with all the homework that I've pushed away. I can't even tell them my tiredness affects everything since they'll think it's another mother-fucking excuse.
Look, I can't even fix my sleep since anxiety has just risen up in my system that I stress the fuck out when I sleep. Sorry if I'm not even making sense, but I'm raving like a baby here.

They've lost their trust on me because of my poor sleep and anxiety... I sometimes felt that I will never ever be able to fix this bitchy problem of mine...

Fuck! I always think they're getting mad at me for no reason.
Now I'm closely monitored since I can't even do my homework.
I can't even pay attention properly anymore...
When I'm anxious, heart beats like insane and I'm forced to breathe loud once.

The reason why I can't do my homework is that, I'm fucking tired. If I do it, it's like I'm forcing my ass to do it and I hate forcing myself on shit. If I force myself, I'm not learning shit!!!!!!
You know how ridiculous it will sound if I told them about my problem? They'll lose my trust so fucking much. "Another excuse? You're grounded."

I'm completely ok with my mom, since it feels like she somehow understands me. But most of the time, she's scolding me arbitrarily like my fucker dad. Now he, he does it all the time. It's like, he'll always always mention something about homework everytime he sees me. I mean, that's like how he looks at me. To him, I'm a walking nerd-ball who has to do homework. One other reasoning about why I hate him so much for that is, he never asks me what the problem is. All he thinks is that I'm "too lazy." NO FUCKING DUMBASS, I'M TIRED AND STRESSING. WHY CAN'T I FIX THIS PROBLEM? BECAUSE MY TIREDNESS HAS CREATED ANXIETY, IN WHICH I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP. I'M IMPRISONED. TOO RIDICULOUS? FUCK YOU!!!! Too fucking scared to face it!!!! Why not take the easy way and "assume"!? fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! One-sided view of this piece of shit. Seriously!!!!!!So one-sided. They don't want to see my "tired" perspective.

I haven't had the balls to explain my problem since I won't be able to back it up. It's like a fight that I can't win. I'm in a gay bind. Facccccck! I just want my parents to approach me. I'm too damn tired to start the conversation about this. They're too deaf to listen anyway.

This is what lack-of-sleep does to me. Is this normal for a 16-year-old?

---------------------------

Ahghghghghgghghghgghghghgh you guys don't need to read all that. Expect more raves.

This post has been edited by iliketoblowzombieheadsoff on April 21, 2009 05:37 am

I fucked up my entire sophomore year for the same reasons you have stated above. Is it normal for your average 16 year older? Most likely not. But that bullshit happens to you and me because of the stupid, outdated, and ignorant cultural background we come from. Don't expect it to change much either. From this point, it'll either get slightly better or much worse (for me, it got ever so slightly better).

One thing I highly suggest you do at the moment, don't get distracted. If you're not doing anything important, lock your door, and go to sleep. You have to readjust your body to have a proper sleeping habit first before you can try going back to do other things like homework. Take the week off getting your sleep back, then tackle your homework full on.

Life is heavy shit. You just have to take one thing at a time.

Ahhhh... thanks SeCorp.

The reason why I sound so fucked up like that is because of ... just being tired. Now that the weather's hot, it takes lots of my energy away, helps me sleep better. I'll really try my best. It proves to be hard as shit though... basically if I were like, 30s or so I'd probably have a 5'o clock shadow and red eyes everyday. Too bad I don't yet.

I'm clearly just grumpy... I was too stupid to not fix it when it was just a minor problem. Now I've been there, hurting myself as to why this problem got worse, but it won't do any good so there's still hope. There's always hope for this problem. It consumed me as a whole but I'm still ok.

Rave rave rave about bad sleeping. I'm starting to blame my spring matress. It's also getting too small. Blegh.

edit:
Heheh, sorry if I don't even make sense. Part of it. Half the time I feel too lazy to fix what I say or think of what I want to say. I'm basically just waiting to get to the point that I go to bed.

This post has been edited by iliketoblowzombieheadsoff on April 22, 2009 03:02 am

Isit you think you have heat problems? Me and SC live where it gets 120 degrees Fahrenheit during the summer. If you walk outside barefoot for longer than 1 minute, your skin will literally burn off of you foot to the point where boys develop and you need to go to the hospital.

Also I sleep on a fucking couch XD

Bitching aside, I hope you get better mentally man.

This post has been edited by mallic on April 22, 2009 11:39 am

Patch for left 4 dead is uber sweeeeeeeeet !

I've been procrastinating. Uni work is pretty bloody hard. So, while procrastinating, I was trying to write another Keyes Explains, as I need something that isn't just uni to focus on in terms of writing things. So, I turn to anyone still alive here. What should I write about?

Please give me something to write about...

Start with all the things fucked up in your life and work your way up (down?)